ARIZONA

Eventhough the trip I made to Arizona was for my grandmother I had a really good time. I got to spend a lot of time with my sister which was nice. We went did a lot with my father and step aunt and overall it was good even the memorial service was nice. The minister read a poem that was to the point exactly like my grandma. I am trying to find the poem online because the minister left before I could ask him for the title. So all is well. I missed Gillian like crazy and Ziggy as well. It was the longest we had ever spent away from each other since we had been dating four years ago. It was a lot harder then I thought. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. I have some pictures that I will put on here. I am excited to make a mini album for this trip.

My favorite burger place in the world

My family that made it to the service. Its
sad that my dad is the only one left of his imediate family

Beautiful Scottsdale

Zoe Zoe sunbathing in "her" chair

Went to the Highlander Games and Irish Festival. It was awesome

Ill put more on later when I am not at work

Interesting last couple of days...

So I had all the attention in the world to put up the clip of Gillian laughing when my husband fried our computer. So now I will have to go to my mothers and do it. So the rest of Monday was like a roller coaster of emotions. So Gillian laughed and that was awesome. Then Ziggy called me from home and told me that my grandmother passed away so I spent the rest of the day takling to people and getting me and my sister set up to go out to Phoenix. Then we all went over to see Abbie. She is beautiful!!! and wrinkly like a baby bull dog which was sooo cute. Ziggy and I really enjoyed our time there just talking and watching Gillian stare at Abbie in amazement. Next time i will get to hold her and bring the good camera to take tons of pictures. That was a great way to end my day. Tuesday was all about buying tickets and coming to the realization that I lost my debit card... again... grrr. But then I got to babysit Zoey and she always makes me laugh. Our new thing to do is pont and clap. Adorable!!! So as soon as my computer works again or I go to my moms I will get the video up and the pics of Abbie.

"A day without laughter is a day wasted."- Charlie Chaplin

So today started out being bad and turned into a milestone of a day. I was kind of bummed about some things and asked Ziggy to have lunch with me. He camed to my work and after lunch we brought Gillian inside to say hello to everyone. When she met Carley, Carley could not resist and started playing with her chubby cheeks. Gillian enjoyed it so much and she started to laugh!!! I am sooo excited because this was the first time that she has laughed. I told Ziggy to get the camera and tried to record it but i don't know if i was successful. I will upload it and if it is good then I will add it. I am soooo happy right now. I have been wanting her to laugh. This made my whole day!! I will add more after work. Little things are amazing.

"Not being known doesn't stop the truth from being true."- Richard Bach

I should be happy. I should show support. I should be understanding and look the other way.... but I can't. I hate to see him hurt. I hate to see the look of abandoment and saddness in his eyes. They are like arrows pointing to my heart. I tell him that everything is ok and that people are just busy. I tell him that they will make time eventually and that they are not seculding him, but that is soo hard to back up when it is there hitting us in the face. i worry. About him and ecspecially our little girl. She doesn't deserve this. She is special. I tell myself that they are just missing out and will regret it later. Will they? Anger is what I feel now. How could they be selfish and not care. Or care when it is convienent to them. He just wants to be included and feel wanted. He wants to be apart of what he thought he knew and not get the s*** end of the deal. How can I be supportive, even caring when anger feels my heart towards... The sad thing is they will never know because he puts on a face when they give him an inch. He waits for that inch... thrives and holds onto that inch. Its not fair. Why? that is the question that he asks me and I don't know how to respond... Whatever feelings I once had are no longer there. How could they be. How could they expect them to be. Now its starting with someone closer to him and tears run down my eyes to see it happening. Not again.. Not this way... Don't abandom him. He wants love and he wants to belong. He wants to be apart of what he loves no matter the cost. I wish they could see the pain and the hurt. I wish they could hear his sorrow. Then again they would have to notice him first.

New Twist on Valentines

Yesterday was Valentines Day and my sister and I agreed that we would watch each others daughters so that we could go out with our significant others. Ziggy and I went out last night and Kerri and Phillip are going out tonight. So last night Ziggy and I pondered what we wanted to do. We thought about a restaurant but the wait was an hour and 45minutes long. We thought about the movies but nothing out there seem to catch our eye. Then Ziggy suggest we go to a bar since I haven't been to one since St. Pats of 07. We went to Brass Rails and had an amazing dinner and played pool for three hours. Not a typical Valentines date but it was amazing for us. We got home and put Gillian to bed and I had bought Ziggy some cupcakes from Baby Cakes close to where I work. They were amazing! Then we ended the night by falling asleep by 10:30. This is the life of new parents. Im not going to lie. It was awesome going to bed at that time. Of course I woke up at 2:00 am to feed Gillian but then she didn't wake up again till 8:30 which is awesome. So tonight it is Kerri's turn to go out while I take care of Zoey. I love Zoey to death so I am excited. So that was my Valentines. It was simple and something that Ziggy and I desperately needed. We needed to go out just the two of us and have fun. I was happy that we got the opportunity to do it and will have to do it again... soon. I will leave today with the best picture of Gillian to date

My little gansta! Baby G

Feb14th

Happy Valentine's Day

A New bundle of Joy and Happiness

So I just recieved a call from Ziggy saying that Laura and Peter have a new baby girl. This excites me so. I have been praying that this day would come soon. I am so happy for them. Gillian has another girl cousin to play with and they are only two months apart which is exciting. I hope that she is healthy. I also hope she is not the diva that Gillian is being right now. Just a phase I hope. Speaking of Gillian she is starting to grab at items in front of her. She is also smiling a lot more. I just wish I knew why she cries with everyone else but is so content with me. I know that I am her mom and that is the answer but, I wish she was as good with me with her dad and everyone else so that they know she is a good girl. I love her soo much and want her to know that everyone else does too. I will post some really cute pictures of her with my next blog. we are getting close to her three months. Ziggy wants to wait till then to get family photos which I have been bugging him for months.

New Job

today I started my new job. I am excited to get back to work but at the same time I am sad leaving Gillian behind. I know that I have to work and I really like my new job so far but I was liking being a stay at home mom. This will be good for the both of us. She needs to get use to other people and I need to be with grown ups (and need the money). I know that she is in good hands and this will give ziggy more of a chance to bond with her but I just worry. I get to do that now. Other than that life is good. Ziggy's birthday was Thursday and it was good. Didn't do much but hang with the family which is always nice. I still do the photography on the weekends right now and that is a blast to do. Overall life is good.

My beautiful baby girl